Paris Hilton A Clothing Calamity?

Mr. Blackwell’s annual litany of fashion trash-talking ranks hotel-heiress turned Internet sex kitten turned reality TV star Paris Hilton of “The Simple Life” at the top of his list of bottom-feeding fashionistas.

Blackwell has been ailing in recent years, preventing him from reading his own insults aloud to the press. But he still composes his thoughts in rhyme, akin to the Riddler from “Batman” crossed with Catwoman.

Here are his remarks released Tuesday:

- Lara Flynn Boyle: Sometimes a single fiasco is all it takes — that tutu terror (at the Golden Globes) was one of the all-time worst fashion mistakes! A beautiful face … but no taste … what a waste!
- Courtney Love: The torrid temptress of fashions — “Rock Pack” is the undisputed queen of tack.
- Melanie Griffith: Melanie defines “fatal fashion folly” — A botox’d cockatoo in a painting by Dali!
- Missy Elliot: Missy’s experiencing a bling-bling takeover — time to lower the wattage and get a makeover!
- Celine Dion: Half-sequined scarecrow, half-gaudy acrobat — Is it Abe Lincoln in drag? And I’ll leave it at that!
- Jessica Simpson: Forget putting her stylist on suspension — just clean out that closet, and hire a magician!
- Diane Keaton: In prudish fashion pitfalls that bury her beauty, it could be Queen Victoria on jury duty! Dowdy, dumpy and frumpy!
- Shania Twain: What can I say? In buckled bombs and country-fried kitsch, has Calamity Twain popped a stitch!
- (Tie) Madonna and Britney Spears: So many tacky trends, so little time — please, will someone arrest The Kissin Cousins of Couture Crime!
- And the No. 1 fashion failure … Paris Hilton: How are you gonna keep ’em down on the farm after they’ve seen Paree? Grab the blinders here comes Paris. From cyber disgrace to red carpet chills, she’s the vapid Venus of Beverly Hills!